Thursday, 24 January 2013

Being 'weird'

Hello again :-)

After my run of posts at the weekend, I have found myself low on inspiration for posts again....kind of. I think I'm also running low on the confidence to post anything I want on here, yet I SHOULD be able to do that with utmost confidence, it's MY flipping blog!

It's the same kind of lack in confidence in something that that's been niggling me for a little while now, and probably for a long time before that, I just didn't realise it until recently...

I too often feel that the differences in my lifestyle compared to most people (what I do, what I eat) are looked down on, or people think of me as strange because of my habits. I get really upset and feel physically stressed when I feel I am being judged as weird or perceive pressure to conform to more typical habits. I want to be me, but there is a barrier that makes it frightening to fulfil it, and I need to start breaking this down.

Why shouldn't I be me? Why can't I chose to workout alone rather than slump in front of the telly with my family? Why shouldn't I openly prepare whatever food combinations I like and eat them in front of other people? (For example, serving curry on noodles, blending greens in a smoothie, and stirring egg into my porridge - which IS lush, I swear!)

The truth is, the only reason I don't always be myself is because I'm scared of being the weird one. For example, it took a LOT of guts for me to 'out' myself as vegetarian, and it took the distance of me being away at university to finally cut out meat and then tell the parents over the phone a few weeks later. Being different was scary, I'm the only person in my entire family that doesn't eat meat (that's taking it as far as 2nd cousins guys, after that, I don't know).

I often catch myself apologising or having to explain away my lifestyle choices. I shouldn't have to do this. I want to start having more confidence to openly live alternatively, and not have my habits dictated by what is and isn't 'normal'.

I'm not sure what my next steps are to achieving this kind of confidence, though. I suppose just keep on doing what I do, resisting the barriers, and eventually those around me will come to accept my unusual habits as typical to expect from me. My brother has severe autism and learning difficulties - we don't expect 'normal' from him and we all embrace the characteristics that we know to be typical of him even though we don't behave in the same way.

Ok, it's an extreme comparison, but I'm just waiting out for the day for when those around me accept my 'weirdness' as normal and don't bat an eyelid or expect me to justify it....

....Or, perhaps, they already do, and I just need the confidence to realise that others accept me.

If it's the latter (and I grudgingly suspect it may be!), then I need to work on my confidence. Any tips?

Thanks for reading my little vent of frustration :-) I'll be back with something fitness/food focused soon!

Hannah xx

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean - I actually have it pretty easy as my friends and coworkers are used to my quirks by now, it's when I go to family events or when I travel with a non-vegetarian that I really notice the difference and that is tough! Having lots of veg-friendly friends has helped and I'm working hard to make even more, since it makes it so much easier - I'm attending a vegan potluck this weekend and I will only know one person there.